Monday, June 4, 2012

one more time

over the past few weeks i have become increasingly aware of what a fantastic job i have. after listening to the tales of fellow students who are spending the summer rollin' round fast food joints, to others who will spend the summer catering to little ruffians 24/7, to still others who are embarking on their first internship and are facing corporate america for the first time, i count myself blessed to wake up every day at least moderately excited for work.

so, what is this glorious part-time position i maintain?

i teach kids to swim. 

well, most of them swim. some are far more talented at whining and moaning. . . one boy last week could do so with his lips opened or closed, quite impressive. yet others are legitimately fearful, often having previously fallen in the pool at a young age or simply having watched too much shark week on animal planet. regardless, each day is hilarious, unpredictable and completely out of my control.

if i may, i'd like to tell you about the indisputable highlight of my summers for the past 4 years. his name is victor. and he is wonderful. victor is the oldest of two children, he is seven years old and he adores the water. at least, he does now, initially it was quite a challenge. one thing sets victor apart from many of the kiddos who find their way into the backyard of mrs. holly's midtown abode: he has down syndrome. but honestly, that is not how i see him anymore.

victor started lessons when he was three. he wasn't sure about the water and with his being roughly as strong as an adult elephant, "beginning water adjustment" quickly evolved into something more along the lines of wrestling an alligator. but over the past years, victor has grown to love the water, but more specifically to love a game we play called "one more time." after we finish all the nitty-gritty swimming, jumping, and move-water arms, he never fails to bounce over my way and mumble "one more time, one more time!" i promptly pick him up, bounce him three times, then throw him up into the air as high as i can. admittedly, the height of the throw has varied inversely with his own height change, but as soon as he flies out of the water, his entire face lights up and all i can see is a grin the size of the cheshire cat's, but far more precious. it makes my heart sing.

though i do love my work, it's easy to get distracted. there certainly are sweet little people running around the pool deck, but often it's the whiny, entitled, ruffians that capture my attention because they require more effort, more grace, more love. this made me think as i was reading matthew 18 this past week. . . 

"at that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, 'who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' and calling to Him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, 'truly, i say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. . . see to it that you do not despise one of these little ones. for i tell you that in heaven, their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. what do you think? if a man has a hundred sheep and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? and if he finds it, truly, i say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. so it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish." - matthew 18:1-4 & 10-14

initially upon reading that passage this week, i began asking the LORD: why on earth would you want us to be like children? they are so much work, require so much grace, and quite frankly they can be orangutans. surely at some point in the afternoon that child you called to yourself started whining, or crying, or sneezed on You. i just don't get it.

His answer? Exactly.

wait, what?

Exactly.

then He began to bring this all into perspective. if Jesus is my Rabbi, my Teacher, i am often one of the children in the "needs grace/love/HELP" category. i whine, i disobey, i am so incredibly needy for grace. His grace. 

yet, that is how we all start. our neediness never changes, but our behavior and our attitude do. we all start out as whining, wrestling ruffians, but by His grace we become victors.

as i don't see victor by what others would call a disability, Abba no longer sees us a filthy and sinful. yes, we have Jacob-esque wrestling seasons and we undoubtedly deny and disobey our Savior as Peter and Jonah did, yet as we learn His heart, see His jealousy for us, and live in the freedom of our identity as Victors through Jesus Christ, our fear is crushed and the root of humility is planted in our souls. daily i must realize that i am completely dependent on the grace of my Savior, but that is not a realization that causes Him to sigh with disdain. the fact that i am a handful does not cause Him to label me as a "problem." praise His name that the only label i now bear is one that boldly proclaims: "covered by the blood of the lamb." His banner over me is love.

as He continues to uproot self and instill humility and grace in me, i continually find myself running to His arms, asking again and again "one more time, one more time, Abba."

and again and again He sustains, provides, forgives, transforms. 

i cannot help but throw my head back and smile at my Restorer, and He is not grimacing, 
He is singing.





"the LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing." 
-Zephaniah 3:17

Monday, May 14, 2012

of hearts and songs

recently the chorus of the song "garden" by needtobreathe has been stuck in my head. literally for days now i have heard the chorus echoing ceaselessly through my noggin. while i had always thought the lyrics insightful and found them to be much in line with the longing of my own heart, they acquired even more applicability upon my reading through and meditating upon isaiah 12 today. the following are the lyrics of the chorus and the words of isaiah 12:


"garden" chorus:


let the songs i sing bring joy to You,
let the words i say confess my love.
let the notes i choose be Your favorite tune,
Father, let my heart be after You.


isaiah 12


"you will say in that day: 'i will give thanks to You, o LORD, for though You were angry with me, Your anger turned away that You might comfort me.' behold, God is my salvation, i will trust and will not be afraid, for the LORD God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation and you will say in that day: give thanks to the LORD, call upon His name, make known his deeds among the peoples, proclaim that His name is exalted. sing praises to the LORD, for He has done gloriously, let this be made known in all the earth. shout and sing for joy, o inhabitant of zion, for great in your midst is the holy One of israel."


joyfully exulting.
faithfully proclaiming.
constantly thanking.
ever-exuberant and never fearful.


such are the actions and attitudes of one who realizes that he is eternally free, wholly forgiven, and completely loved.


He has touched me, despite my filth, and cleansed me of all unrighteousness. His anger is no longer my dread as serving and proclaiming Him are now my joy. He has done gloriously and continues to do so in my midst. i will bless Your name, Abba!


may i never hold my possessions too precious or count my life too valuable as to hinder me from singing at the top of my lungs wherever You lead me. let my heart rest in the joy and assurance of my salvation. then may the joy, hope, compassion, grace, truth, and love that characterized Your life permeate every part of me. may i ever be led to the cross- keenly aware of my own inadequacy yet joyfully reliant on the sufficiency of Christ's sacrifice.


in loosing my life, may i truly find it. in forsaking earthly treasure, may i daily lay hold of the greatest Treasure. in learning to count all but Christ as nothing, may i see Your face and know Your heart.


away with fear, pride, malice, lust, and all things of flesh -  Christ has crushed these. i rejoice for my heart has been awakened by mercy and grace! let that now be the theme of my song and may my song bring joy to You, dear Savior.




"thy mercy my God is the theme of my song,
the joy of my heart, and the boast of my tongue.
thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
hath won my affection and bound my soul fast.

without Thy sweet mercy, I could not live here.
sin would reduce me to utter despair,
but through Thy free goodness, my spirit's revived
and He that first made me still keeps me alive.

thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
which wonders to feel its own hardness depart.
dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground
and weep for the praise of the mercy I've found.

great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own
in the covenant love of Thy crucified Son.
all praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine."


hallelujah.